It’s finally graduation time! Sixteen years or more of schooling, books, teachers, jocks, nerds, co-eds, finals, mid-terms oh the stress of education! Once all that is done you get to wear a robe and a funny flat hat! So we’ve come up with a fun drinking game for you to actually enjoy graduation before you go out into the real world.
So have some fun playing our drinking game!
Pop Culture Reference
1 Shot
Whether your speaker is a nervous graduating senior or someone in their 50′s trying to fit in with an auditorium full of 22-year-olds, chances are they might try to insert a relatable pop-culture reference into their speech. Something like the Jersey Shore or Lady Gaga. That way, you might think to yourself Oh, hey, that’s something I saw on TV! I connect with this speaker!
Amy Poehler was funny when she said “You’re all here today because someone gave you strength. Helped you. Held you in the palm of their hand. God, Allah, Buddha, Gaga–whomever you pray to.” But if the former-CEO of a Fortune 500 company name-drops Twilight, you can bet they got their advice from ehow.com.
Mentioning Rival School
1 drink.
Most schools have a rival, especially the larger public universities. The thing is that most people only care about their rival when it comes time for gameday against that school. No one from Duke University is sitting in their cap and gown thinking about the University of North Carolina. So mentioning “Remember the good times, like when we beat [insert rival's name here]” isn’t making your speech any better.
Employment
1 drink.
Oh yeah, it’s tough out there. Pretty good chance no one will find a job. Trust us, we know this. We graduates are sitting there realizing our status is about to change from “student” to “unemployed.” Please, just give us this afternoon without mentioning employment. We’ll remember when we spot someone with “Hire Me” on their mortarboard.
Follow Your Dreams
2 drinks.
If we followed our dreams 12 percent of us would be superheroes, 23 percent would be professional athletes, 8 percent would be in rock bands, 5 percent would be super models, 3 percent would’ve become ninjas, 4 percent would be living on Sesame Street, and 11 percent would be designing video games. We chose to go to college instead.
(That does not add up to 100, but whatever).
When The Speakers Are Actually Funny
2 drinks.
We don’t want to act like everyone is terrible! Sometimes the speakers are actually really funny. We have a couple examples for you…
Ellen DeGeneres said in 2009 “When I was your age, I was dating men. So what I’m saying is, when you’re older, most of you will be gay.”
Amy Poehler in 2011: “And make no mistake about it, you are dumb. You’re a group of incredibly well-educated dumb people.”
Sascha Baron Cohen as Ali G in 2004: “You are the next captains of industry. Sitting in front of me is probably the next Bill Gates, Donald Trump and Ronald McDonald.”
People Sleeping
1-3 drinks.
If you catch someone sleeping in the crowd– this deserves a drink. If you catch an entire group or row falling asleep, then add 3 drinks.
“I Went To College In Pre-History”
1 drink.
In all probability, some speaker is going to mention they’re old. Whether it’s a celeb or a professor, they will probably make share an anecdote about what it was like when they were your age. We get it — you’re not our age. You were born before, when ideals were ideals.
Bright Future
1 drink.
If they mention that you have a bright future ahead, well yeah, you just paid anywhere from $20K to $150K for this degree — you better have a bright future!
So to the graduates of 2012 we salute you! And if you’re 21 or over we hope that you enjoy our little drinking game! We’d love to know how your game out so when you sober up sometime this weekend let us know how turned out for you by leaving us a comment below! And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter @FastLaneMag
